In this video I would like to discuss how easily we can get attached to certain aspects of our life. Lets take an example of we give advice to our friends. A friend comes to us asking for advice about a certain field, which they are not very familiar with or do not have proper knowledge about.
So we agree and are in the process of helping them, we are churning thought and are discussing with them how they ought to do things and we are giving them advice on how they can go ahead.
So most of the advice they always listen to, for example your friend is going for a separation with his or her partner. And you are helping him / her on the financial aspects of it. How they need to deal with their partner with the financial aspects of things.
And most of it they are following, but a certain part of it, a certain detail they do not want to address that. They say ‘no’ let this be, even though I am losing a small amount. I just do not want to deal with it.
Sometimes when such a thing happens, we consider ‘our advice’ not been taken as a form of disrespect. We think within ourselves why am I helping this person who does not want to listen to what I have to say.
It becomes so much like a parent child relationship, were we tend to become attached to our friend and the concept that we are advising our friend about. Our mind becomes attached to it. Our mind starts treating the situation as its own problem.
And then we want to deal with the problem, our mind wants to deal with the problem as if we are in the situation, the way we would solve it. In the process we will enforce our advice to be followed by our friend, irrespective of our friends perspective.
So this is not the right way of doing things because we are now attached to something other than us. And this could spoil the kind of relationship we have with our friend, because we will try to force our friend to do something even though they do not have the energy, mental stability to do so.
We will refer to the same example… your friend is going through a separation and you are helping your friend with the financial aspects of things. So your friend desperately wants to get away from your partner. That is their immediate requirement.
And even though your he / she has followed most of the things we have said. The other small aspects which they do want to address is because it may create more conflict in their relationship and the separation could take longer that way.
But according to us, they need to do that because they deserve that part of the money or whatever.. But maybe our friend cannot communicate with us the real reason as the why they are not following that part of our advice. so we need to always take care of this aspect, that giving advice is fine but being attached to the outcome, when our happiness is dependent on the outcome, when our state of being is dependent on the outcome of the advice we’re giving, we’re basically signing up for discomfort in our life.
We should time and again check on what we are pondering upon, on what our mind is consumed by. It is a very sincere effort on our part to help our friend. But getting attached to that concept which is not us and our mind believing that it is a problem that I need to solve because my friend doesn’t really have the knowledge to do so.
When we start to get attached to concepts, you will face discomfort as everything will not happen the way we want it to. So the practice of self awareness. Practice of keeping a check on your mind. Practice of coming back home and spending sometime in the awareness of your true self is of utmost importance to keep you aloof from attachments.
Yes you need to help your friends, you need to give them the best advice that you can, but being attached to the outcome that they follow your advice is signing up for discomfort. They have a very different perspective, they may have obstacles that do not come to their mind to discuss with you. And by getting angry in such a situation where that person is in a problem and needs your support the most, and getting angry with that friend is not going to help that friend in anyway.
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